I was driving home from lunch in downtown Indianapolis with a friend of mine this week. On my way home I stopped on the outskirts of Indianapolis, where crime rates are high and the streets are lined with poverty-stricken people. I pulled off to get some gas because it was 30 cents cheaper there than anywhere else. Being a young female, I was taught to be weary of my surroundings. I did a quick pan of the area before exiting my car and noticed a man lingering on the store front as well as a second man filling his car two pumps down. I made sure to only unlock the drivers side door and take my keys with me. As I had just began filling my car with gas I noticed the man that was lingering on the storefront looking right at me. He was in raggedy, dirty clothes. His eyes were locked to mine, and slowly he started walking toward me.

I was taught that if I was ever in a threatening situation at the gas station, my best weapon is the gas nozzle. Noticing his approach I clung tight to the nozzle as it released gas into my car. I tried to be polite and hide my fear by smiling and saying hello. Much to my surprise as he got closer, he offered a chipped-tooth smile in return, and the eyes that once looked stern and threatening now just looked tired. At this point I thought he might ask me for money, or for some sort of support. Instead he warmly said “Merry Christmas.” I offered the same greeting to him. He then told me that this Christmas was a little harder this year. He was not talking about his finances but rather because there would be a void that lost friends and family members once filled. His family had struggled through the pandemic, and many people that he loved had passed. Making the realization that he just wanted someone to talk to, I offered to pray for him and his family. Instead of asking for money, food, or any sort of donation, he smiled and said that was the best thing that I could do for him. He smiled again, tapped my car in a friendly manner, wished me a very blessed new year, and went on his way.

Leaving that gas station and recounting my experience, I was ashamed that I had been so quick to judge based on his appearances, the area, and my own stereotypes. I told Carlos, my boyfriend, about the exchange and conveyed how guilty I felt for automatically assuming the worst. He assured me that it is always good to be alert, but to remember that the world isn’t as bad as the news sometimes portrays. This loving gentle reminder was exactly what my perspective needed as I wrap up this crazy year.

This year has been filled with heartache, pain, tears, uncertainty, and struggle. It is so easy to live headline to headline and focus on the evil in this world. It’s easy to drive through struggling communities and think about the crime rates, potential threats, and let fear into your heart. It is hard to remind yourself that the world isn’t always as bad as the late night news makes it seem. There is good. There is love. There is joy. There is so much to be thankful for. My interaction at the gas station was awakening. It challenged me to throw those stereotypes away, and focus on the opportunity to connect with those in front of me. I walked away utterly embarrassed that I carried that negative judgment before even giving him the opportunity to show his heart. Lately I have been so caught up in my own struggles, stress, and holiday hustle that I have failed to remember how blessed I am. This man whose eyes were tired, wore a proud, chipped smile that conveyed warmth and sincerity.

I was moved by this interaction.

This exchange offered a shift in perspective. Joy comes from people, not circumstance. Joy comes from love, not from material possessions. It is easy to get wrapped up in the Christmas hustle and bustle of gift-giving, big meal preparation, and the checklist of things that still need done. However, none of those things matter. They are nice, and it’s fun to have all of those things be a part of the Christmas season, but at the end of the day, what matters is who you are with.

My heart goes out to all the families with empty seats at the Christmas dinner table that were once filled. My heart aches for the cold fingers and toes that come with this season. I am in no position to tell those struggling to find a brighter outlook. What I can say is that God is still good. Blessings aren’t always apparent. Challenge yourself to find your joy. Recognize what is really important. Squeeze your family a little tighter. Tell your friends one more time how you appreciate them. Take time to recognize the growth that this challenging year has offered you. Reflect back on the days of this year, good and bad. Life can be hard, overwhelming, and exhausting, but it can also be beautiful, joyous, and full. It’s not about what you have or don’t. It is about who you’re with, the perspective you take, and how you choose to live out your days.

Choose wisely. Choose intentionally. Every day, make it count.